Civility What
you say is forever By
John W. Worman Great
leaders are defined by their ability to create and maintain infrastructure, both hard and
soft. When infrastructure fails, systems fail, leaders fail and individuals fail.
Regarding soft infrastructure the question that begs to be asked is: how can society
succeed when social pressures are divided or falling apart? The first order answer is
“Civility.” People need to know how to work together in non-threatening ways
toward common objectives. And, for these efforts to succeed, it must be understood that
every individual member of a group is necessary along with their differing opinions. We
all solve problems differently. After all, we are individuals and the only thing really
connecting us is our ability to communicate; it is through a shared ethical basis, as a
collective society, that we strive for consensus. This must be true, because without some
level of mutual cooperation the system collapses from within and social infrastructure
fails. For the infrastructure to work every individual within the system must be valued.
Because, at a basic functional level, every individual contributes something; they must
contribute something; it’s necessary. Both the self-worth of the individual and the
worth of society depend on this. The
American ideal has always focused on what it means to be a fully functioning human living
in a fully functioning society; we inherited this ideal from our founders and we call it
prosperity. However, today this idealism seems
flawed. Why? The
flaw is because many have lost the art of civility, politeness, getting along with one
another. It’s not an ethical issue; most of us know and can recite the rote of
morality. Only those filled with hubris or the insane believe morality doesn’t apply
to them. People learn what it means to be human through their environment. When a society
is no longer constrained by ethics it is because of the examples set by families, peers,
media, educators, and government. Therefore,
like Confucius in ancient China, this author submits that one of the primary roles of
government is to teach civility at the highest possible level while extending its roots as
deep as possible; without civility the infrastructure of society ultimately fails and
people live with despair and suffering. Admittedly, teaching civility is a not easy and to
undertake this labor is multigenerational; it’s difficult to modify beliefs and modes
of behavior, especially in the short term since we are all creatures of habit. Civility
arises from higher order brain functions and must be learned from those around us, our
environment. It means doing and/or saying the more difficult thing rather than reacting
from a place of fear, anger or pain. While freedom of speech is an “American
Right,” freedom of speech should not give carte blanche for inappropriate speech or
behavior, those behaviors seemingly approved by our urban legends, our media and
subsequent ways of life. Learning civility means knowing when to put on the brakes of
inappropriate thoughts and behaviors. It means being accountable for one’s own
actions. While it’s far too easy to vent anger or fear to faces we may never see, to
ears that can never speak back, or to social media where there is no accountability
what-so-ever, people don’t seem to understand that whatever they say and how they act
is forever; every word we speak and every action we carry out, we actively teach others
around us what it means to be human; the human condition in turn teaches us as
individuals; it’s called reciprocity. We are social creatures and we learn from each
other, after all. Ideally
teaching civility belongs in the family. However, many families fall short because the
care givers fall short in their own abilities to be civil to other family members and to
their own children. This leaves the burden of teaching civility to education, especially
universities, their colleges of education and business. While courses in ethics appear to
fulfill this role, ethics by itself is too abstract and normally does not trickle down to
civility. Civility must be proactive, else it is not achieved. Ancillary to teaching
civility in the colleges of education, it must be proactively taught in public school
systems…across the entire nation; this is why it must be a government sponsored
function. Simply, there is no one else to actively take this role. However,
there is a major constraint in teaching civility. How can one teach what they themselves
don’t understand? Teaching is a double edged sword. One edge is what we think we are
teaching and the other edge is what we are actually teaching. As an example, while primary
educators think they are teaching students math, what many are actually teaching is math
anxiety because of their own ineptitude. Rank and file, most high school and college
graduates quickly admit they hate math. The sad truth is that the very thing they hate is
what is most needed in order to facilitate rational thinking and problem solving,
especially moving into the 21st century. So,
what does civility really mean? It is the art of politeness, listening to another person
without the immediate “in-your-face” and aggressive or egoistic judgement of the
speaker. It means having the empathy to realize that we all have our assets and
liabilities and none of us needs or wants to have our shit shoved down our throat by some
well-meaning misguided onlooker; this is violence and creates suffering. It means stopping
for the long moment and thinking about what you’re about to do or say, then doing it
or saying it respectfully in a neutral way. It means finding appropriate ways of problem
solving that doesn’t revolve around people’s fear or anger. It means finding
simple ways of being polite while still stating one’s personal truth. In many ways
this is the higher order function of what it means to be human because it requires
activation of the prefrontal cortex part of the brain rather than the emotionally biased
limbic system. To learn civility requires some degree of consciousness, one has to look
across the wide panorama of human history. In the past, what works and what doesn’t
work; why do some cultures succeed while others fail? What we know without a doubt, hubris
is a paradigm that quickly destroys both the individual and culture. One
of the most important issues for mental health is one’s ability to stand up for
themselves. Simply put, if one cannot stand up for themselves, for whatever reason, they
suffer immeasurably and are often prone to addiction and/or other mental aberrations; this
is true for both the individual and society. Therefore, being civil must include the
ability to stand up for oneself in a respectful way. There will always be differences,
objections and opinions; resolutions are necessary; this is how we grow individually and
collectively. This is the evolution of the human spirit. The
success of any endeavor revolves around the ability to create and maintain a functional
infrastructure, both soft and hard. This means we have the tools and resources required to
complete the task, be it human or physical resources. Strong leadership thoroughly
understands this basic concept; it is the foundation of successful business practices.
Maintaining a functional infrastructure for United States also includes its citizens and
their ability to interact in humanistic ways, in a nut shell the ability to be civil and
get along with one another. When
we help each other we are all winners. |
© Copyright: Oct.
10
